A few years ago, stoicism had its moment in the world of sports. Athletes, coaches, and even entire teams leaned into the wisdom of philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, popularized through Ryan Holiday’s powerful work (The Obstacle Is the Way, Ego is the Enemy, The Daily Stoic, etc.).
And for good reason—stoicism teaches resilience, emotional control, and the ability to focus on what you can control rather than what you can’t.
I believe the next level of sports leadership is empathy, because, while stoicism is a powerful tool, it’s not the full playbook.
Resilience without connection can lead to burnout.
Focus without trust can breed isolation.
Enter empathetic leadership—a leadership style that doesn’t replace stoicism but complements it. Empathy doesn’t undo stoic strength—it channels it toward deeper trust, smarter coaching, and stronger teams.
Let’s explore how.
1. Empathy and Stoicism: Two Sides of the Same Coin
Stoicism asks us to control our emotions, focus on what we can influence, and accept what we cannot change.
Empathy asks us to recognize emotions in others, respond to their needs, and create environments where people feel understood and supported.
How They Work Together:
- Stoicism helps coaches and athletes stay calm under pressure, maintain focus, and make clear-headed decisions.
- Empathy ensures those decisions consider the human impact on individual athletes and the team as a whole.
Stoicism is about enduring the storm.
Empathy is about understanding who’s in the storm with you.
A great coach knows how to use both.
2. Understanding Athletes: The Power of Empathy in Individual Coaching
Sports teams are made up of individuals, each with unique motivations, fears, and goals.
How Empathetic Coaches Work with Individuals:
- They listen deeply to understand what drives each player.
- They tailor their feedback style—some players need tough love, others need encouragement.
- They notice non-verbal cues like frustration, exhaustion, or anxiety.
Empathy isn’t about being soft—it’s about being effective. When players feel understood, they play with more confidence, clarity, and trust.
3. Communication: Beyond Commands to Connection
Sports coaching has long been associated with shouting commands from the sidelines. But the best coaches know that communication is about connection, not just instruction.
How to Communicate with Empathy:
- Ask, Don’t Assume: “How are you feeling about that last play?” instead of, “Why’d you miss that shot?”
- Stay Transparent: Explain your decisions—athletes are more likely to trust what they understand.
- Check In Regularly: Don’t wait for problems to surface—create space for open conversations.
Empathy turns communication into a two-way street, and teams thrive when they know their voices matter.
4. Resolving Conflicts with Empathy and Stoic Calm
Conflict is inevitable in competitive environments. The difference lies in how it’s handled.
Empathetic Conflict Resolution:
- Stay Calm (Stoicism): Respond, don’t react. Take a moment to breathe and process.
- Understand Perspectives (Empathy): Hear everyone out without bias or pre-judgment.
- Focus on Solutions (Both): Move past blame and work toward a productive resolution.
Empathy doesn’t avoid tough conversations—it makes them productive.
5. Building Team Cohesion: From Individuals to a Unified Force
Empathetic coaches don’t just focus on talent—they focus on connection.
How to Build Team Trust with Empathy:
- Celebrate shared wins and personal milestones.
- Encourage vulnerability—make it okay to admit mistakes.
- Build team traditions: shared meals, inside jokes, or post-game rituals.
Empathy fosters a sense of belonging, and belonging is what transforms individuals into a team.
6. Motivation: Beyond Locker Room Speeches
Ryan Holiday’s stoicism teaches us that motivation isn’t about temporary hype—it’s about internal clarity. Empathy builds on that foundation.
How Empathy Fuels Motivation:
- Recognize what drives each athlete—some want championships, others want self-improvement.
- Support them through setbacks instead of resorting to criticism.
- Build a culture of encouragement—not one where fear fuels performance.
Empathy doesn’t coddle—it ignites a deeper level of commitment.
7. Player Development: Coaching the Whole Person
Great coaches don’t just build better athletes—they build better people.
Empathetic Coaching Practices:
- Provide constructive feedback that balances honesty with encouragement.
- Teach mental resilience alongside physical performance.
- Notice when athletes are struggling off the field and provide support.
Empathy acknowledges that athletes bring their whole selves to the game—and great coaching meets them there.
8. Pushing Back on the Myth of “Soft Leadership”
Let’s address the skeptics:
“Empathy makes coaches weak.”
- No, it makes them insightful.
“Empathy slows down progress.”
- No, it prevents burnout and disengagement.
“Coaching should focus on discipline, not feelings.”
- Empathy doesn’t erase discipline—it makes it sustainable.
Empathy isn’t about lowering standards—it’s about helping people meet them.
9. Practical Strategies for Empathetic Coaching
Ready to start leading with empathy? Here’s how:
- Listen more than you talk.
- Ask thoughtful, open-ended questions.
- Check your own biases and assumptions.
- Stay transparent about your expectations and decisions.
- Celebrate progress, not just perfection.
Empathy isn’t a technique. It’s a mindset.
10. Final Thoughts: The Modern Coach Is Both Stoic and Empathetic
Stoicism taught athletes and coaches how to stay focused, calm, and resilient in the face of challenges. Empathy shows them how to connect, motivate, and grow together.
You don’t have to choose between stoicism and empathy—they work best together.
The strongest teams are led by coaches who know when to hold the line—and when to lean in with understanding.
Because in the end, sports are about more than winning—they’re about belonging, trust, and growth.
Are you ready to lead that way?
